Fascinating patient stories and dynamic exercises help you connect to healing emotions, ease anxiety and depression, and discover your authentic self.Sara suffered a debilitating fear of asserting herself. Spencer experienced crippling social anxiety. Bonnie was shut down, disconnected from her feelings. These patients all came to psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel seeking treatment for depression, but in fact none of them were chemically depressed. Rather, Jacobs Hendel found that they’d all experienced traumas in their youth that caused them to put up emotional defenses that masqueraded as symptoms of depression. Jacobs Hendel led these patients and others toward lives newly capable of joy and fulfillment through an empathic and effective therapeutic approach that draws on the latest science about the healing power of our emotions.Whereas conventional therapy encourages patients to talk through past events that may trigger anxiety and depression, accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy (AEDP), the method practiced by Jacobs Hendel and pioneered by Diana Fosha, PhD, teaches us to identify the defenses and inhibitory emotions (shame, guilt, and anxiety) that block core emotions (anger, sadness, fear, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement). Fully experiencing core emotions allows us to enter an openhearted state where we are calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear.In It’s Not Always Depression, Jacobs Hendel shares a unique and pragmatic tool called the Change Triangle—a guide to carry you from a place of disconnection back to your true self. In these pages, she teaches lay readers and helping professionals alike• why all emotions—even the most painful—have value.• how to identify emotions and the defenses we put up against them.• how to get to the root of anxiety—the most common mental illness of our time.• how to have compassion for the child you were and the adult you are.Jacobs Hendel provides navigational tools, body and thought exercises, candid personal anecdotes, and profound insights gleaned from her patients’ remarkable breakthroughs. She shows us how to work the Change Triangle in our everyday lives and chart a deeply personal, powerful, and hopeful course to psychological well-being and emotional engagement.
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David M. –
For many years I’d been seeing doctors who had diagnosed me with major depression and social anxiety. I tried the “gold standard” approach of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and the newer mindfulness-based Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), as well as medication, meditation, exercise, and countless other things everyone always recommends. They all helped somewhat, but I couldn’t help feel that they never touched the heart of my emotional pain. One day, I happened to read Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s op-ed in The New York Times titled “It’s Not Always Depression, Sometimes It’s Shame.” The story of “Brian”, whose parents had provided for him materially but neglected him emotionally, spoke to me, and something crucial clicked when Hendel called his experience “a form of trauma.” When I saw that Hendel was publishing a new book with the same title as her article, I jumped at the chance to buy it.
Trauma was a word I had always associated with experiences like warfare, car accidents, rape, or natural disaster. But reading her article sent me on a path of searching, which eventually led me to the work of Bessel van der Kolk, Pete Walker, Beverly Engel, and others who recognized that things like abuse, neglect, bullying, or other more workaday adverse experiences can result in similar symptoms as those more obvious traumas. In this book, Hendel calls these “small t traumas” (as opposed to “Big T Traumas”), and makes the point that “we are all a little traumatized.” Such “small t traumas” are often easy to overlook, but can deeply wound our ability to feel what we really feel and (by extension) be who we really are. In this book, Hendel teaches you how to reconnect with your emotions and with your true self, what she calls “the openhearted state”, characterized by calm, compassion, clarity, connectedness, confidence, and courage.
It’s taken me several months to get through the book. Hendel really wanted to get as much of the healing potential of therapy (particularly the style of therapy she practices, Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) into the book as possible and make it as accessible as possible, using plain language. The result is admittedly more pragmatic than immediately inspiring. It makes for a slow read, especially if (like me) you want to contemplate the information and apply it to your life. It’s not easy work, and may require working through it with a therapist. But this is vital information in a world which seems to revolve around running from our emotions, and each page is brimming with empathy and compassion for her clients and for her readers. Hendel was doing a brave and risky thing in making this information, heretofore available only to mental health professionals, widely available in a book for the general public. Diana Fosha, the founder of AEDP, expresses in the Foreword to this book a veiled apprehension about having her life’s work loosed upon the world, out of her careful guardianship, though I don’t think she need worry. This book is thus a gift of deep compassion, and I’m extremely grateful she put in the work and dedication to get this information out to as many people as possible. I especially appreciated the inclusion of specific techniques for working with emotions like anger, anxiety, and shame; in addition, Hendel goes into considerable depth about the nature of trauma, the factors that can contribute to our anxiety or shame, and offers moving, relatable stories from her own therapy practice.
It’s not a perfect book. The Change Triangle she uses is a helpful shorthand for our uneasy relationship with our emotions, but I’m not convinced that this framework (developed for clinicians) will be successful as self-help tool for a general audience, due to the level of self-awareness required. (I note that, to date, many of the positive reviews are by therapists and not laypeople.) What’s more, I don’t feel Hendel emphasized the potential pitfalls of trying to do this work on your own. AEDP is a deeply interpersonal form of therapy, and this comes across in both Fosha’s Foreword, and Hendel’s moving clinical vignettes. Especially when we’re dealing with trauma, the presence of a compassionate other is vital. I previously read Tina Gilbertson’s delightful
Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them
, which covers much the same ground as Hendel, and I find myself using her T-R-U-T-H technique more than the Change Triangle, though they accomplish essentially the same thing. But Hendel’s book adds a wealth of information from neuroscience, attachment theory, emotion research, and clinical practice that will be valuable to anyone interested in going deeper.
Larry Drell,MD –
As a psychiatrist and therapist for over 40 years I have always encouraged my patients to pay attention to how they are feeling and thinking. To deny or avoid one’s true feelings and emotions leads to a multitude of problems and symptoms from states of depression to anxiety and everything in between.
This practical and clearly written self-help book written by a gifted therapist helps the reader learn the incredible importance of understanding and accepting our core emotions and the variety of ways we use defenses and other emotions (anxiety, guilt, and shame) to protect us (even though they cause us pain as well).
It is filled with examples from her personal life and her work with patients to help you understand the importance of discovering and accepting your emotional responses and how to use that knowledge to better navigate your life.
She introduces you to The Change Triangle, a conceptual tool, a map, to understand our emotions and discover what we are doing with them that limit our awareness and growth.
Without jargon or overly technical explanations, she presents the latest theories and discoveries in cognitive psychology, neuroscience and mindfulness meditation. She distills this knowledge into a multitude of useful tools and skills to better understand, acknowledge and use our emotions to enhance our lives.
She describes clearly and compassionately the various ways we have of avoiding emotions with the layers of defenses, protective feelings, and automatic emotional reactions.
Her approach reminds us and focuses on our innate health and teaches how to use that more effectively.
The book is filled practical techniques of observation and mindful awareness skills to help one become more in touch and accepting of our core emotions. The book offers hope and direction.
The author is a trained and obviously skilled therapist and writes openly about her own struggles and discoveries. She writes with openness, compassion and humor that offers the reader the opportunity to understand what she is feeling and how she thinks and how she guides her patients to help them discover their true power.
This gives us a window into how our minds work and how important it is to pay attention to our bodies and our emotions whenever interacting with others (and ourselves).
And most important this book offers hope for gaining understanding, acceptance and healthy ways to manage our deepest feelings.
Larry Drell, MD
Anxiety And Depression Therapy Services
Washington, DC
David M. Bell –
This is the second book in this approach to therapy called Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy. The other excellent book being “Living Like You Mean It” by Ron Frederick. I may be biased for being a trainee in this approach but I didn’t truly know what to expect with this book. It may not have been helpful as I am already deeply steeped in this approach and the new wave of emotion, experiential, and trauma focused approaches to psychotherapy.
But I’ve found this book to be absolutely fantastic. There are great exercises as well as transcripts and many visuals to make sense of the triangle of experience and self-other-emotion. I am recommending this to many of my clients.
I’m steeped in the comtemplative traditions and practices as well and I know of no better approach to change as to give space and attention to embodied experience, as difficult as it may be. Any other way is avoidance.
Annie –
When my husband left me after forty years of marriage for a much younger workplace colleague–he was her supervisor–I was physically devastated for months. I’ve been an athlete my whole life, I have given talks to audiences of a hundred, I travel regularly alone, but my entire body was filled with shaking and anxiety, things I had never before experienced. I felt as fragile as an eggshell, my ribs seemed to constrict my breathing, I felt constantly physically vulnerable, and any thought about money or my future filled me with terror, which I felt in my body more than my mind. I gradually found through trial and error many of the healing measures Florence Williamson found through her scientific research, but reading her book allowed me to understand more fully why I felt as I did and how I managed to heal, notably a trip that challenged me in many ways, forcing me to confront my fears, reconnect with my capabilities, courage, and curiosity, as did her river trip. I read a bunch of books about betrayal and divorce several years ago when all this happened to me, but none so thoroughly and intelligently addressed what I went through and what I needed to know. And Williams is a wonderful witty author who manages to write about real emotional (and physical) pain with depth and humor, able at avoiding any hint of whining or bitterness. (Some self-pity she allows herself, appropriately. I feel blessed that I found this book.
Jane Mizrahi –
I love this book. I’m so glad I found out about it from the Shrink rap Radio podcast.
Who doesn’t want an accessible technique, that helps us become more aware of, understand and then better manage our emotions, toward becoming a more authentic Self?
This book is not only good for me personally, but in my work as a therapist. I am now including the Change Triangle in much of my work with clients. It has opened up a new and accessible line of inquiry.
I am also introducing It’s Not Always Depression to my monthly Therapist Peer Support group!
Thank you, Hilary for providing us a road map toward connecting with our most authentic Self.
matsona89 –
At first, I wasn’t sure about the change triangle and if it would be helpful. The more I read the book, the more I tried to work the change triangle. It has been a game changer for me. I have had slight anxiety for years and while I do see a therapist, this has furthered my understanding of myself and my emotions. When I start feeling down without believing there’s a reason, I am able to find what’s bothering me and not stew in my thoughts that tell me not to do anything. It’s comforting to know that the author, while being a therapist, still has to work the change triangle to understand herself. It makes me feel like I’m not so alone.
Mystic Manifesting –
The core message of this book can be summed up by this paragraph: “When we stop avoiding core emotions with defenses, the Change Triangle predicts that anxiety might arise. We are no longer deflecting the anxiety with defenses. If we are prepared in advance with three or four strategies that we know will decrease our anxiety, we’ll have techniques at our fingertips to lower it and to be able to work the Change Triangle to achieve an openhearted state.”
As children we get excited about something and someone says, “Tone it down. Children should be seen and not heard.” Or we are angered and speak out, and we’re told we’re bad for feeling angry. We learn that the core emotions, such as “excitement” and “anger,” are unacceptable and they have been silenced by shame.
Too many of us are shut down to our emotions, out of touch with how we feel. We’ve been controlled in various ways to distrust ourselves and our impressions. We are wrong with the world, and we do what we can to avoid self-damnation and rejection. But this causes us to build walls around our hearts to avoid the rejection, and eventually some of us become incapable of feeling them at all, just a sort of deadness to replace our birthright of joy.
This book is about learning to rediscover and express our core emotions instead of staying small and living for others.
X. Fossor –
I am still working my way through this book. I have to get this review done and in for inlori Vine, but so far – in a word: intriguing.As best as I understand cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) the idea is to do a bit of thinking in order to reign in emotions/moderate behavior. CBT uses the famous “ABC” mnemonic to help clients work through whatever the presenting issue is. “A” stands for “antecedent” (the event that is trigger the response), “B” stands for “behavior” (the reaction), and “C” stands for “consequences” (straight-forward and self-explanatory). Depending on the focus of the practitioner, the approach might be different, but the idea is the same: modifying the reaction (behavior) so that consequences are healthier. CBT doesn’t really care about the etiology of the behavior; it pretty much only addresses how to modify it.Honestly, I find CBT (while certainly a validated therapy approach (and de facto gold standard these days)) dry and a bit unfulfilling theoretically. I get that “insight” doesn’t always resolve the problem, but I think neglecting the “why” removes a tool that may prove helpful to the client.While it’s not exactly an “apples to apples” comparison this is why I’m drawn to this book. This book discusses “accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy” (AEDP), an approach that doesn’t see emotions as something only to be modified. Rather, it sees as emotions as providing a tremendous amount of information with regard to the problem. So while it’s “sort of” a CBT approach (with the “change triangle”) there’s also a psychodynamic angle I find appealing (and believe would be both helpful and appealing to a client as well).Anyway, I could have this all wrong. As I said, I’m still working my way through the book and doing so slowly. For me it’s not a self-help book; rather, it’s part of my ongoing education as a counselor (in training).At this point, 4 stars. I’m looking forward to the final published edition to come out in a few weeks time. I think this is one for the permanent library.One side note. I like the title very much. I think in this day and age of reliance on the DSM (the “psych disorders” manual) and “pressure” from insurance providers there has been a push by providers (and pull by clients) to have client issues medicalized and medicated. I like that this book nudges us away from this trend. But I also want to caution folks that while it’s not always “clinical depression” it’s not always not a medical issue. For instance, sleep apnea, chronic pain, thyroid dysfunction (etc.) can bring on depression without the depression being “clinical depression.” In these cases, talk therapy/strategies (such as those addressed in this book) are important, but secondarily. So if you find yourself in a position of depression, please look for assistance in doing the rules-out!
Patricia Eichelberger –
This book is wonderful! Easy to read and follow about how we stay stuck and don’t heal from our pasts. Hilary creates this easy to understand triangle of change that makes so much sense. She helped me see all of my defense mechanisms and how they keep me from feeling my core feelings and thereby not letting go of all the ways I keep myself from really living my best self. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and this book has made me a better therapist and more compassionate and understanding therapist. It is for everyone! Thank you Hilary for writing it!
Russell Fanelli –
Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s book reflects accurately the second part of the title: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self. Her book includes extensive case studies of Hilary working with her patients and then self-help instruction about how to connect to our emotions to discover our authentic self.
The self-help section of the book includes many interactive exercises such as those found in The Change Triangle Basics chapter. Hilary first gives us some common defenses we use to protect us from being hurt by others such as sarcasm, criticism, judging others, etc. Then she asks us to add some of our own defenses to this list and to pay attention to the defenses we see others using as they interact with us. From beginning to end we are challenged to get in touch with our emotions and to learn from them how to reach our authentic selves.
On page 30 She gives us a quiz to help us gauge our emotional tolerance. She places this test at the beginning of the book and asks us to take it again after we have used her change triangle to improve our ability to master our emotions. She tells us herself in her Final Words that “No one is perfect at working the Change Triangle. Really, no one. I still have to remind myself to work the Change Triangle. I still have trouble sometimes figuring out what corner I’m on and how to help myself or one of my patients.” If Hilary has trouble using her own instrument, what about us? For me, the Change Triangle was interesting, but not overly helpful, unlike many other observations, experiments, exercises, and suggestions Hilary gives us throughout her book.
One experiment on page 105 of the book is about Giving Yourself Compassion. She suggests that we learn to treat ourselves with kindness and one way to accomplish this objective takes a page from Qigong, which uses meditation and controlled breathing to help us heal ourselves. Hilary asks us to “Breathe deeply. Use your imagination to breathe in the compassion and breathe out any distress.” This is good advice for all of us.
I especially liked Hilary’s chapter on The Self, the Openhearted State, and the C’s, that is calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear. We are told that we get to the openhearted state by learning to experience our core emotions and practicing the C’s whenever and wherever possible.. In the openhearted state we learn to appreciate and forgive ourselves as we appreciate and forgive others. As Thomas Harris stated so long ago, we become OK and others become OK as well (I’m OK, You’re OK).
As mentioned at the beginning of this review, Hilary’s book is not so much about Depression as learning to use our emotions to experience the richness of our humanity. I would have liked less case studies and more exercises and experiments, but that’s just me. Others might find all the case histories Hilary shares with us helpful and genuinely interesting. She does appear to be a therapist very much concerned about helping her patients heal and become well. I don’t think becoming an expert using the Change Triangle is important and few readers are going to be any better than Hilary in using this instrument. Recommended with noted reservations.
Penelope Y. Andrade –
For everyone: If you want to feel more happiness, confidence and clarity in your life, check out It’s Not Always Depression. This book is filled with wisdom and transcripts of profoundly healing therapy experiences. You will have a rare opportunity to sit in on sessions with a master therapist as Hilary safely, respectfully, and lovingly guides people through anxiety, shame, blocks and shut downs to find relief, peace, and empowerment. Hilary’s writing is accessible and real. It is a joy to read. I was comforted, soothed, and inspired just by reading this book. I’ve already recommended it to friends and clients who were delighted to discover that it is also available on Audio.
For clinicians: This book is a master class in relational, body based, emotionally focused, psychodynamic therapy in general and in AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) therapy in particular. Reading this book will give you deeper understanding about how to work with defenses, anxiety and core healing emotion…not so much by what Hilary says (which is clear, informative and wise) but by what she does (with transcripts filled with gorgeous examples of grounded, transformative healing treatment with patients). As a 40 plus year clinician and certified AEDP therapist, I was delighted to learn so much, so effortlessly. Thank you Hilary!
like a nice pen –
If you have trouble finding and naming your feelings, this is the book for you! If you wonder why that is important, this is the book for you! Written in a way that draws the reader in, the author never lectures but shares a confidence here, provides support there and gives examples from real life. I am reading it for the second time because I devoured it the first time and now I want to be more deliberate in the reading.
sherry cormier –
As a bereavement trauma specialist and grief author, and a fan of Ms. Williams The Nature Fix book, I couldn’t wait to read my copy of Heartbreak. It did not disappoint! The kind of heartbreak that the author discusses in this book, both personally and scientifically, is related to and yet distinct from grief. They overlap in many significant ways. I was most interested in the information conveyed in Heartbreak about the impact of heartbreak on the body. As great as talk therapy can be, only when we also deal with heartbreak at a physiological level, can healing truly occur. In addition, her personal journey of healing from heartbreak in nature was fascinating and could be so helpful to her readers. I highly recommend Heartbreak as sooner or later, we all experience significant loss in one way or another.
Grace –
I learned more about myself and the roots of sadness from reading this book than decades of experience with therapists, and in recent years with trauma specialists. It’s made clear a path, not discussed in traditional therapy, to being able to recover from a broken heart.
Whether new to trying therapies or different modalities for healing the heart, or have had unfulfilling therapy results, this book gives new perspective/hope and is highly recommended reading.
lisa casssesse –
if you or if you know anyone that has not or does not have a smooth family life, this book explains a lot. everyone I feel, even a regular person, will be able to understand what this book is all about. I found myself making notes along the pieces that brought up memories or thoughts I have carried with me . there are passages that have made things even clearer and put words to feelings and thoughts.This book has turned out to be somewhat personel and a diary of sorts.
Erica S. Perl –
Full disclosure: I know the author personally and I read some passages of this book during the drafting phase. However, when I read the published book, I was completely blown away by it. Florence Williams is such a smart and curious person, and such a brave and honest writer that I feel like I shouldn’t have been surprised that she was able to create a book that is equal parts fascinating scientific journey and heart-breakingly honest chronicle of personal loss. It’s an ambitious project and one that succeeds on all levels. I also learned that she created an enhanced audiobook that includes interviews with many of the people who appear in the book (both in a professional and personal capacity), so now I am planning to get that and listen to it, even though I’ve already read the book. I have never done that before, which should give you an idea of how impressed I am with this work. I also loved her previous book, THE NATURE FIX, so if you haven’t read that, add it to your stack as well!
Alla S. –
The basic premise behind “It’s Not Always Depression” is the importance of confronting emotions rather than covering them up. The book is comprised of sections like “Getting to know the change triangle” (with defenses and inhibitory emotions leading one to confront core emotions and then ultimately get to an openhearted state of mind), “Releasing core emotions,” “Identifying trauma” (the causes behind the emotions), “Core emotions” (fear, anger, sadness, disgust, joy, excitement), “Inhibitory emotions” (anxiety, shame, guilt), “Defenses,” and “The openhearted state” (where you live in comfort with your own emotions are calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous and clear).
For me, much of the advice in the book was commonsense. If you like to self-analyze, then you likely already know it all (the reason behind your emotions). However, if you tend to avoid thinking too much and just accept feelings at their face value, this book might force you to take another look at them.
Holly K –
Yeah, it was okay. Not the best.
Sammy Rosen –
My most helpful self-help book. Great for anyone looking for expression of their True Self. I’m 54 yo and all my life, SOMETHING has always held me back from being my true self. I could never figure out what that was until I read this book. CHANGED MY LIFE and by osmosis, everyone I come in contact with. If I were taught this in high school, not only my life but also the lives of everyone I’ve ever had any kind of relationship with would have benefited from it. There is no greater gift then the gift of true, honest self expression and acceptence. This book is helping me get there. Thank you.
EAMH –
Very human should have this information! Seriously, get this book! You will understand yourself and others so much better!
wes austin –
Just started this book and the validation I’ve experienced in the just the 1st 15 pages!. Hendel brings a personal point of view to this writing and is explaining the Change Triangle in a way a layman like me can grasp. Now I’m wondering what is under my surface defenses, dating back decades, still “poisoning” my thinking and day-to-day life. All because I don’t know how to process! I’ve sent her a heart felt “thank you” for writing this book, through social media. Her on-line work and blog, reveal a person who has a heart and passion for people that exceeds anything clinical. I envy her clients. Spread the word!
Sheryn N. –
This book really put me in tune with my emotions. After years of addiction, I was numb to what I felt. The Change Triangle and the seven Cs of the authentic self were instrumental in changing my mindset about embracing my emotions.
inlori Customer –
Helpful advice. I appreciated the info and layman’s terms of processing emotions.
Team sporty. –
This book brings you tools for self growth.
Easy to read, great thematic and it comes with exercises to delve into your mind and evolve on your self awareness.
Bonnie Arnold –
This book has been instrumental in helping me change my codependent tendencies. I love books and my therapist recommended this one. I’m so glad she did! The change triangle is simple and easy to use when feeling great or feeling triggered. Highly recommend!!
Keh –
Great book for both therapists and clients. First clinical book I’ve read this quickly in a long time. Information is presented in a personable and compassionate way that makes reading it enjoyable and quite satisfying.
F –
My teen daughter was diagnosed with clinical depression, but she kept saying she wasn’t depressed. I learned a long time ago to listen to her when she tells me about herself. I had no clue how to help her. I kept researching and researching until I ran into this book. Hilary Hendel Jacobs is a quality of life saver!! I learned a lot about myself while reading this book. She shares a lot of patient accounts to demonstrate what she’s talking about. The book is written so that you can help yourself. No therapist needed. Though if you wanted to work with a therapist make sure to find one that is aware of the AEDP method she utilizes. I wish this book had been written decades ago. It’s well worth the read. Thanks to HHJ we know my daughter isn’t depressed and our relationship is much stronger now because I am able to give her the understanding she needs. As a parent I really saw how much shame and guilt I was heaping on my daughter and I felt terrible about it after reading this book. I was motivated to contact the author for a life coaching appointment. She’s as genuine and authentic as her writing. HHJ recommended the book “The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist’s Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults.” This was a real eye opener. If you feel like you don’t understand your teen or young adult, and you would like to have a fundamental understanding of why they are the way they are based on their physiology then read this book too.
sober panda –
This was recommended by a professional. Way too technical for my pea brain.
Robyn Adelman –
This is a really wonderful book. The author lays things out clearly and thoughtfully, and the information provided is relevant for psychotherapy practitioners and clients.
Romy –
One of the best psychology/self-help books you can read. Simple language and easy to get through in a few hours. Hendel synthesized the best psychology has to offer into a simple method. You can’t get more helpful than this. If only all therapists were as skilled, the world would be a happy, healed place. Don’t hesitate to order. Spread the word, humanity desperately needs healing.
smartl –
This is a must read for anyone who has emotions, and especially for anyone suffering from depression and anxiety. I believe the information in this book should be required to learn in every family. It has cleared up so much for me and I now can feel joy instead of constant depression and anxiety.
inlori Customer –
Explicaciones claras y profundas. El mejor libro de profundización interior que he leído. Muy útil para autoayuda y para entender mejor en consulta.b
Cheryl L. –
The author explains a situation many of us have found ourselves in at one time or another. It is clearly written, interesting and provides many ‘aha’ moments. It goes way beyond being a self-help book!!
John Matzger –
The science, the honesty and the lack of gamesmanship was phenomenal! What a treat to take this journey with the author.
katie –
I love this book, it is beautifully written, & it gave me a renewed sense of hope for life. Thank you Florence Williams.
Lara –
This book is an amazing resource for navigating emotions. I bought both the hardcover and the audible version. I’ll be going through them more than once!
I.Williams –
I love this book. It is insightful and practical.
Shirin Zarabi –
Highly recommended!
Charis –
A game changer for understanding and working with emotions and anxiety – for myself and my clients. I absolutely recommend this book!
John Loppnow –
I’ve encouraged a few people to get this book.
CatK –
Excellent for the lay person and professional alike. Case examples really well illustrate how aedp works. Hilary’s sensitivities and skillful application of aedp are inspiring to read.
Jan W. –
This book will change how you view depression and issues that may seem benign from childhood until you recognize the Impact they have on you.
Devin burge –
Even if you don’t particularly take an interest in a little psychotherapy, I would still recommend this book. It’s great for the mind and she did a great job painting another picture of the way we emotionally and physically work some days. This helped me in multiple ways and continues to do so on a daily basis. I really enjoyed this read.
LittleHelper –
I highly recommend this book if you have suffered cptsd or small t trauma. Also good for people who have tried therapy over and over again and it doesn’t work. This is what I really needed if I had gotten treatment in my 20s or in highschool. I can understand why I’ve never heard of it until now because you have to be very mentally stable and have to give a lot of yourself in sessions. Concepts are very simple but very important.
Ryan –
I’m a therapist who is always interested in improving my self-care and my therapy practice. This book changed my life and has gotten me invested in reaping the rewards of this type of therapy (AEDP) as both a practitioner and a client. Hilary Jacobs Hendel has articulated the AEDP framework in a way that is easily absorbed and workable. The improvements made to my life continue to “snowball” (in a positive way!). I’m very grateful for this book. .
cakeonaplate –
Somatic experiencing and IFS are a winning combo. The change triangle is great. She is doing great work. Very nice™.
hiker –
Very helpful model for dealing with trauma.
Doublemom –
I liked it the first time but loved it the second time. It takes complex issues and simplifies for most people to understand. It can also be very deep when you really apply it. I think everyone should read/listen to it! Schools need to teach it in HS too!
kathleen holmes –
Helpful in understanding depression and finding some relief
Lacey Raley –
Great tools in this book 🤍
Matt bashioum –
Book arrived in excellent condition. This is a great book that I’m looking forward to adding to my collection for my clinical practice.
Sherrie Stevens –
Very helpful in clarifying the triangle fire AEDP.
BlindedbyScience –
Friends who say you don’t need pay for a therapist.. just call me… and I’ll listen…
The techniques discussed and case studies show training and skills required for being a therapist
and what happens over time in sessions to resolve deep seated issues that cause mental illness.
Gillian van der Riet –
As a psychologist I was very impressed with the clarity of the Change Triangle concept to help people understand and process their emotions.
Michael Schilke –
I loved the content of the book. Am reading it for personal growth.
Bonnie K Creech, Ph.D. –
This was the best and most informative book I’ve read on this topic.
Kallie Kull –
Read this book just in time… It saved me a lot of heartbreak in the end! Thank you to the author and all of the contributors to her research.
Dustin McMahan –
A must read. It’s not available at my local libraries and I’m not determined to make sure that everyone has access to it. Thank you.
Keepa –
Love, it’s both the best and worst thing in our lives. When we are in a happy relationship all is well but why is it when a relationship goes away why do we feel terrible both mentally and physically? Florence Williams takes a very unique journey to understand what our bodies go through after a breakup/divorce. Through this book you see along sider her just how little we know about what happens within bodies during these times and how it can affect how we feel both mentally and physically. Florence will talk to those scientist who thought to research this underrepresented field of study and what we know so far. This book may help answer some questions you have about yourself as you deal with a breakup of any kind of relationship. This book was writing just before the COVID pandemic so at the time of writing this review the studies and efforts talked about in this book are recent. I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in how heartbreak affects you.